Expert: Danielle Lundberg
Danielle Lundberg
Mediator & Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner
Danielle is an accredited mediator and family dispute resolution practitioner. She works with couples and families to help resolve conflict constructively and peacefully while achieving outcomes that are mutually satisfying. Her focus is on helping parents to focus on their children’s needs and supporting both parties to be the best parents they can be.
“Vulnerability is where the depth and the connection is. That’s the exciting stuff. That’s what I think we need to teach the generations. After the dopamine, the serotonin and the oxytocin and that beautiful hedonistic falling in love bit wears off, if you develop good communication skills and you’re patient and tender and kind, you can create a space between the two of you to be vulnerable and in being vulnerable that’s where I think you get the deeper connection of love.”
Interview highlights
2:26 Danielle shares her relationship with confidence as a teenager
4:33 We talk about listening well, not ‘fixing’ and seeing our children for who they are
9: 12 How we can cultivate a good sense of self if we didn’t have it growing up. Danielle references Andrew Huberman, neuroscientist from Harvard and his work on attachment theory. The book she mentions is Attached by Amir Levine.
15:15 Some of the themes Danielle sees with her female clients
17:00 We’re not teaching the next generation about relationships. John Gottman’s work helps as does Esther Perel’s
19:25 How people are presenting in therapy since the pandemic
20:31 Where to begin when you notice cracks in relationships
24:06 The importance of making time to be with your partner
25:55 How to have a difficult conversation
32:11 How to approach a conversation with someone who is defensive
38:29 Vulnerability is where the depth is
41:00 What are ‘bids’ in relationships?
46:10 The risk of making assumptions in long-term relationships
48:18 Getting and giving feedback
49:17 Reframing stress, particularly when we feel fearful of something. Seeing it as growth or new learning
51:11 Approaching conflict at work (and being ok with it causing you discomfort)